"Bref, je suis terrifié, ne sachant pas que faire pour survivre"

Autograph letter by Hans Bellmer signed "H.B", addressed to Claude Richard, dated by the author December 31, 1950. Two pages in black ink on two sheets of fine pink paper, with autograph envelope enclosed.
Discrete fold marks inherent to the sending of the letter.
Exceptional lament of a cursed artist, sacrificing his life to his art. Endangering his health, Bellmer carefully supervises the printing of the first retrospective catalogue of his works (Vingt-cinq reproductions) of which he had received the first copies "le soir de la Noël" ["on Christmas evening"]. He addresses his Bordeaux collector-patron, Claude Richard, from his modest Latin Quarter studio, which had seen the birth, a year earlier, of his masterpiece Les Jeux de la Poupée.

Bellmer takes up his pen and transcribes his malaise onto these two old rose pages, similar to the color covering some of his Doll photographs, as well as to that of the band surrounding the collection of this famous suite of photographs. The words themselves, finely chiseled with pen strokes, disarticulate in the image of his works; the letters come undone and reveal the extreme distress of the artist at the end of his strength and resources: "Excusez je vous prie cette lettre décousue mais je ne vais pas très bien" ["Please excuse this rambling letter but I am not very well"] [...] "ma vie est redevenue très très dure" ["my life has become very very hard again"] [...] "vous ai-je remercié des 16000 que vous avez eu l'amitié de m'envoyer il y a deux semaines environ ? - Cela m'a permis d'activer la fabrication du recueil (une fois de plus)" ["did I thank you for the 16,000 that you were kind enough to send me about two weeks ago? - This allowed me to accelerate the production of the collection (once again)"] This concerns a work laid out by his own hand, bringing together twenty-five of his works, accompanied by texts by Nora Mitrani, Gisèle Prassinos, Jehan Mayoux, Jean Brun, André Pieyre de Mandiargues, Jacques de Caso, and Yves Bonnefoy. Bellmer had received the first copies a few days earlier: "J'y avais mis un effort affreux ; depuis trois semaines, je traîne une grippe, qui, par le froid glacial de la rue Mouffetard et de l'atelier d'impression chez Larrive, a pris depuis 10 jours un tour dangereux. Pour l'instant, je ne tiens plus debout, mais pour ne pas me déclarer vaincu, je suis obligé de courrir sans cesse pour trouver le minimum d'argent nécessaire, pour ne pas mourir de faim" ["I had put a terrible effort into it; for three weeks, I have been dragging around the flu, which, due to the freezing cold of rue Mouffetard and the printing workshop at Larrive's, has taken a dangerous turn for the past 10 days. At the moment, I can no longer stand up, but so as not to declare myself defeated, I am obliged to run constantly to find the minimum amount of money necessary, so as not to die of hunger"].
The manuscript also contains a beautiful passage on the artist's relationship with his patron, and also mentions Cocteau as well as his partnership with the Hugo Gallery in New York, directed since 1944 by former dancer Alexandre Jolas: (1907-1987): "Quant à l'encadrement de mon tableau (c.à.d le vôtre), je m'en occuperai avec plaisir, car c'est très important pour la mise en valeur de la chose. Je connais bien un des meilleurs encadreurs (il a encadré les choses que Cocteau et Morihien m'avaient achetées il y a quelques années que la Hugo-gallery m'a pris cette année. Il ne doit peut-être trop bien marché [sic]. Dès que je trouverai deux tickets de métro je vous dirai le prix qu'il demanderait.
Ces jours-ci j'ai pu récupérer un expl. de tête de mon Album de Revel, sous emboîtage avec un dessin original. Le prix est de 6000. Si vous le voulez je peux vous l'envoyer de suite. Avez-vous vous reçu l'expl. [illisible] du Recueil à mon sujet ? Les expl. de luxe ne seront pas prêts avant une semaine. Je vous enverrai le vôtre dès que je pourrai" ["As for the framing of my painting (that is to say yours), I will take care of it with pleasure, as it is very important for showcasing the piece. I know well one of the best framers (he framed the things that Cocteau and Morihien had bought from me a few years ago that the Hugo-gallery took from me this year. It must not have worked out too well [sic]. As soon as I find two metro tickets I will tell you the price he would ask.
These days I was able to recover a deluxe copy of my Album by Revel, in a slipcase with an original drawing. The price is 6000. If you want it I can send it to you immediately. Did you receive the [illegible] copy of the Recueil about me? The deluxe copies will not be ready for another week. I will send you yours as soon as I can"]

Magnificent swan song of a sick and reclusive Bellmer in his studio, who addresses death in order to achieve the sublime.