« vous m'en voudrez un peu pendant longtemps. »

Autograph letter signed by Guy de Maupassant to Countess Potocka, 38 lines in black ink on a double sheet.
Published in Marlo Johnston, "Lettres inédites de Maupassant à la comtesse Potocka," Histoires littéraires, no. 40, October-November-December 2009.
Darker than usual, Maupassant seems troubled by some incident he does not mention but for which he apologizes to the Countess: "Je vous demande encore pardon, ce qui du reste n'atténue pas mon remords ; et je vous assure qu'il est cuisant car j'ai cette arrière-pensée que cous m'en voudrez un peu pendant longtemps." ["I ask your pardon once again, which moreover does not diminish my remorse; and I assure you that it is stinging for I have this nagging thought that you will hold it against me for a long time."]
Maupassant had earned a reputation as a prankster as well as a man of very free speech; he had no doubt crossed a line in word or deed. A few years earlier, he had distinguished himself with the famous doll prank. Countess Potocka had given Maupassant rag dolls representing the guests at a dinner she was hosting at her home. As a joke, he stuffed the bellies of said dolls and sent them back to the Countess the next day, thus claiming to have impregnated them overnight. The prank became known and provoked many outraged reactions, but the Countess had eventually assured him of her forgiveness.
Whatever the unfortunate event may have been, the letters seem to have crossed in the mail: "Votre lettre m'a été renvoyée à Triel car le facteur ne me savait pas à Paris." ["Your letter was forwarded to me at Triel because the postman did not know I was in Paris."] Thinking he would again face reproaches, he admits to having: "[...] été, en la lisant pénétré de confusion." ["been, upon reading it, filled with confusion."] Anxious to please the Countess, he expresses his concern: "Pourquoi suis-je ainsi nerveux, par moments, comme une femme, sans motifs réels, et sans avoir ressenti, vraiment, aucun froissement. Je n'en sais rien. Je ne peux que le constater." ["Why am I thus nervous at times, like a woman, without real motives, and without having truly felt any offense. I know nothing of it. I can only observe it."] Whether they were the early signs of the madness in which he would end his days, or the consequences of his feelings for the Countess, whom he feared to anger, these fits of nervousness would never cease for the rest of the author's life.
To ensure the Countess's visit to Triel, Maupassant asks for confirmation: "Je compte sur vous demain n'est-ce pas." ["I count on you tomorrow, do I not."] To this end, he advises her to take the train: "Si vous venez par le chemin de fer, comme vous y paraissez décidée, j'irai vous attendre à Meulan [...] Si vous veniez par le bateau de Georges je vous prie de vouloir bien m'en informer par une dépêche." ["If you come by railway, as you seem decided to do, I will go wait for you at Meulan... If you were to come by Georges's boat, I beg you to kindly inform me by telegram."] The Georges in question is Georges Legrand, journalist, one of the Countess's "Macchabées," whom she introduced to Maupassant, and according to painter Jacques-Émile Blanche, the only one who enjoyed her favors.

Provenance: Jean Bonna collection.